I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
