so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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