She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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