I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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