Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we're so committed to being not committed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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