I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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