No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
