we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ass is underappreciated
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize