i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
