when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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