Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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