Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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