I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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