What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
