Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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