does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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