The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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