why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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