We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
