Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
