Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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