Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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