I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Be still, my beating vagina.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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