HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
