my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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