I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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