fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
