I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
