Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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