Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
