I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
