Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
