I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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