Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
