Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
