Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
