i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
