Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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