I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
