yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
