Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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