He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
