Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was born a porn star she said
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
