the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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