I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
