you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
