I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
