Christians are straight up FREAKS
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
