i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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