My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
last night I used snow as a chaser
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
