my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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