my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize