I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
