I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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