once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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