I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
