In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
