Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
