i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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