Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
