There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
