please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
