I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
