"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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