I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
