so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want nice things and good sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
